When You’re Not Anxious, But You’re Still Not Okay
Do you have days when you wake up and everything around you seems okay, but you don’t?
The first thing you read in the morning is not terrible news and you are drinking your cup of coffee while you check the weather and Instagram feed- you wonder how some people are so excited every day and you wonder if it is genuine.
There is nothing wrong or scary that needs your immediate attention, but you still feel a little off. You aren’t having a bad day, but it doesn’t feel like a great one either. You want to talk to someone about it, but you don’t want to come across as a perpetual complainer.
You think maybe you would feel better if you worked out in the morning or started regularly using the meditation app that you have already paid for. You know you will work out after you are done working, but do you?
The sky has been gloomy, and you wonder if that’s the reason you feel more gray. They say the sun makes people happy so you wonder if this is the year you will move to a warmer city where you won’t have to complain about the cold winters.
The trees are mostly barren, and you wonder where the squirrels might be. You used to see them run around all the time, perhaps if you could hibernate all winter- you would too.
You are not a Debbie Downer or a Negative Nancy, but you don’t feel like running down a field twirling and dancing. You are grateful for so many things in life but today, you just feel a little sad and you don’t know why.
You wonder if it is what is happening in the world around you- is it politics? Is it the pandemic? Some days you are not as strong, and you cannot seem to find all the energy you keep stored for those days.
You imagine how different your life would have been if you had one thing differently in the past.
You think of all the people that were once inseparable, but you don’t talk to anymore- you didn’t fight, life happened. You got busy, they got busy. You think would it be too strange to give them a call out of the blue? Nowadays no one really picks up the phone. It is like we live in a world of voicemails where we play phone tags.
You would think modern technology would make it easier to stay connected, but you feel more further apart. You see more of other people’s lives via their social media feed. You can’t remember the last time you heard their voice.
You question if it is the hormones. It’s amazing how they affect the course of your day sometimes. You tell yourself, don’t get crazy like the last time and blame them again.
It is not like you have nothing to do, you have a list of things to get done but you don’t feel motivated. You stare at it from a distance thinking your tasks would probably judge you if they could.
Generally, on your bad days, you are anxious, and you are panicking but today you aren’t feeling those emotions, but you still don’t feel totally awesome.
If that’s how you are feeling today- tell yourself that you are just having a day. It is a day that will pass, and it is a day that you will look back at and ponder.
It is the kind of day that reminds you that even if you feel “not okay”, that you will be okay (eventually). It is a day that might not seem the best, but it far better than your worse days.
This is one of those days when you aren’t anxious, but you’re still not okay. However, think of this day as one of those days when you’re not anxious nor okay but that you will be okay.
Because I know you will be (okay).