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  • Writer's pictureAnjana Rajbhandary

You are what my teenage dreams were made of

Updated: May 4, 2023

I remember the details of our first hour of conversation more than years of memories. I might never see you again, but I will never forget those 60 minutes when everything felt possible, and everything felt real.

Our story will replay in my mind many times as long as I exist.

When we met, my only wish was to dance. And I knew I'd regret it if I didn't ask. Every step reminded me of the magic I believed in when I was little.

It's funny and strange how I believed in many good things when I was young, but as I got older, life happened, and the optimism faded. I believed moments like this only existed in stories you read in books or see in movies.

I have never been the type of person who's lost for words, but I still have no words to describe how I felt when I was in your presence. It's like the universe conspired for me to be there at that exact moment to remind me that my childhood dreams can exist in real life.

Every word and action asserted to me that what I used to believe in could be more than a fantasy.

This is a recollection of the time that reminded me of what I had stopped seeking. Things have a strange way of finding me in life because I thought it only existed in my mind.

I don't know you too well, but you're an antivasen- someone who wants to live in a balanced world between family values while still making time to explore to find yourself. You're a collector of experiences, cultures, and stamps on your passport.

I am an antivasen, too.

Everything felt so easy with you. I'll always be grateful to you for doing the things I hoped for but didn't expect.

We've both had our hearts broken in the past, and the healing journey has a mind of its own because it never follows a timeline. You gave me hope.

The more I know you, the closer you are to the person I wanted to meet growing up. My teenage self loved you so much without ever meeting you.

I'm not writing this to impress you but to hold on to the memories of that moment in time when my life stood still, and I felt a sense of joy I hadn't felt in a long time, and I don't want to forget it. I fear these memories will slowly fade with time because most things do. It's a feeling that feels so pure. It's the way I felt when I was around you, and a corny way to describe it would be to say the stars were perfectly aligned at that moment for me.

This isn't even about how you felt but the way you made me feel because I'll never be able to read your mind.

There's something about you that I can't exactly pinpoint, but it makes me wish I knew you more. Maybe it's just the way I felt when I was around you.

It is as if in that hour we had together when we only talked, we were in our little world, or you were in a world I had created in my mind. I'll never be able to replace you because I know I'll never meet someone like you again.

I've always been able to tell why I liked someone, and with you, it's still a mystery.

Today, it's not hard to meet people and decide (or not) based on your age, societal pressure, appearance, or what they can add to your life, but one thing I learned in my life is that we don't connect with many people.

Somehow, I felt a connection with you.

You made me believe that the kind of love I believed in when I was little is possible in life. You reminded me that what I want in someone does exist in the world, even if it doesn't last.

Maybe we'll meet some time, or maybe we won't, and nothing will change my mind because meeting you made me believe- you are possible.

(I do hope we meet again.)

Say hi on Instagram @AnjyRajy

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