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  • Writer's pictureAnjana Rajbhandary

Is It Selfish Of Me To Want To Be The Love Of Your Life Even If We Aren’t Together Anymore?

Sometimes I feel like I remember the few moments I had with you years ago better than details of my life now. My life was so chaotic, but I was with you. We fought as if we couldn’t even exist in the same room anymore but loved as if the world would end. To call it unhealthy would be an understatement.

We yelled at each other, and then we laughed together as if nothing had ever happened. I knew the love you had for me was so rare and real. You hoped we would last forever, and I knew exactly when you and I would end.

I expected a lot from you, and I expressed it all. I expected you to let me down by not giving me what I wanted, but you came through with more than what I desired every time. I didn’t know what I had done to deserve someone as sweet as you.

If I knew then what I know now, I would have realized that in all the games I played and the attempts I made to drive you crazy, I was falling so hard for your beautiful soul and your kind heart.

I tested you as much as I could, expecting you to give up and leave, but you never did. I have always been too involved in my past life to see what’s right in front of me. I never saw you for who you were till you were a part of my past too.

Looking back, I see the way you looked at me and the way you smiled. You had so much faith in us, and I loved that quality about you. You didn’t care what the world thought because you knew that what was in your heart was more important.

Unfortunately, I didn’t have that same faith in myself.

Other people’s opinions of us won in my world; I tried to be strong, but acting like I didn’t care was a cowardly way for me to let you go. I knew you would meet someone great and treat them well, but wondered if you could ever really replace me.

I hope your heart has a place for someone else, but not as big of a place as I do. I want you to be happy, but is it selfish for me to be the love of your life?

I keep trying to keep you alive in my life because I am not ready to let go completely, and I don’t know if I ever will, and it is not fair to anyone at all, but how can I stop loving the one that taught me to love?

The secret to moving on is saying that you have, but truthfully, you never do. It’s been so long, and I wonder how your life is, whether you are happy, and where you live. I wonder if you wonder about me too. When I think back to our days together, they were brief, and we were so young. I wonder if we even knew each other-or maybe that was the beauty of it all.

We were what we needed for each other. My heart will always have a place for you.


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